No Pain No Gain

"When I say 1 I want you to touch the floor with your left hand."

We were jogging round the gym. It was only the warm up and already I could feel that two weeks of drinking too much, eating too much, and not doing much else hadn't been such a good idea.

"When I say 2 I want you to touch the floor with your right hand. If I say 3 touch the floor with both hands. If I say 4 jump in the air, pretend to head a football, turn around and run in the opposite direction."

It was probably at this point that I realised that I hated PTI's (Physical Training Instructors).

"1."

I'm sure I'd known it all along.

"2."

It was just that after a couple of weeks on the beer any semblance of physical fitness had disappeared.

"3. 1"

"2."

We were only 5 minutes into the warm up and already I knew that pretty soon I'd be blowing out of my arse. We carried on jogging around in a big circle for another 30 seconds and then he decided to get funny.

"1.2.3.4.4.2.1.1.2.4.3.1"

If there was one thing I hated more than a PTI it was funny PTI. After breakdancing until he got bored we carried on with the warm up.

Eventually he decided we were 'warmed up' enough to start the PT session proper. I was in pain already.........