22 April 1915

....... the date that chemical weapons were first used.

Training for chemical warfare is not fun. Ever.

During basic training you learn how to protect yourself in the event of a chemical (nasty), biological (nastier), or nuclear (just plain screwed) attack. You are taught how to use the protective equipment that has been produced by the lowest bidder for the British Army. You also get to go in the gas chamber.

It's not real gas - just the CS gas that every down town PC Plod carries.

Just so you know what CS gas feels like the first time you go into the chamber you are exposed to it for a few seconds. You remove your gas mask and the instructor asks you a question - thus making you inhale some CS gas as you answer. Most of the questions are simple:

• What's your birthday?
• What's your favourite colour?
• What's your army number?

And the question I was asked - by the man I'd known for two weeks:

• What car does my mum drive?

6 guesses later with snot pouring out of my nose and my eyes awash with tears I got the make if not the model and left the chamber.

Bitter you might ask? Not at all - although it wasn't pleasant even at the time I found it quite amusing and was laughing so hard I think some snot ended up on the instructor. Ha - revenge!