Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Officially the army frowns upon drinking. We are even given a yearly lecture on the perils of the demon drink. It lasts an hour and includes a video made in the early 1980s.

Unofficially and for a disproportionate part of the remaining 8759 hours of the year drink is important. Leaving do's, welcoming do's, birthday do's, mess do's, Christmas do's, All Rank's do's, "We've just got back from Iraq do's", "It's a Wednesday night and we're bored do's". The list is almost endless.

I'm not quite sure why we like to drink so much. Perhaps it's peer pressure. Or maybe just a culture that has grown out of the days when alchohol was officially issued as part of a man's daily rations.

I can't remember my first night out drinking with my new platoon. It isn't that I drank myself into oblivion it's just that that night has merged into some many like it. I should imagine we went to our pub (different units tend to appropriate a pub as their own) drinking cheapish beer until the night club opened. After that we probably stood around drinking more and eyeing up the handful of women brave enough, or stupid enough, to turn up at the squaddie nightclub. Without doubt a night of frustrated romance would have ensued leaving the unwelcome alternative of a kebab with chilli sauce and a long walk home.

Repeat the above sequence on average twice a week for the next two years and you have 95% of my social life during that period. At the time I'm sure I was enjoying myself. Now I can't understand why.