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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Two's Company..............

On completion of my course I returned back 'home' to my unit in Northern Ireland. I also returned to my four man room. In many ways at the time I was very lucky. I shared a room with only three other blokes and we had our own shower room.

Communal living can be fun at times - ask anyone who has been lonely. At other times however it can be a major pain in the arse.

Between the four of us who shared we owned three TV's, four Hi-Fi systems, four alarm clocks (although two of them may as well not have existed) and an uncountable number of posters of women who have made their mother's proud.

At times you needed ear protection just to walk into the room. Unless there was a major television event that everyone was agreed upon - an England football match being about the only example I can remember - then there would be three TV's playing three different programmes.

Everyone was convinced that what they were watching merited the loudest volume so over the course of the evening the general decibel level in the room would rise. Leaving the room for any length of time didn't necessarily reduce the damage being done to the remainders eardrums as people would leave the TV's playing as some kind of marker for their intended return.

I never quite understood this competition for volume but then I mainly had my head stuck in a book. The one thing I've never quite come to terms with regarding communal living is the absolute lack of shame that some people have regarding 'hand to gland combat'.

"I'm just going to bang one out - have you got any porn?"

It doesn't matter how may times I've heard that it still doesn't sound right.


Blogger Monica said...


Are you serious??

8:38 pm  
Blogger Universal Soldier said...

Unfortunately Monica - yes I am. Someone elses sheets rustling a few metres away can seriously stop a man getting to sleep.

9:28 pm  
Anonymous Mrs Soldier said...

Maybe some of them got an even bigger thrill at the thought of somebody listening to them and thats why they liked to do it in the room. Was it not hard facing them in the morning after you heard them the night before.

11:27 am  
Blogger Monica said...

ahh, I think Mrs. Soldier has found the heart of the matter.

12:26 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

was *what* not hard, mrs soldier?

4:23 pm  
Blogger Hannah said...

I'd be so tempted to reply "Yeah, there's that video I made of me and your sister."

5:34 pm  
Blogger Universal Soldier said...

Anonymous is obviously too ashamed of their dirty little mind to post under a real name! At least I know what Mrs Soldier meant.

Hannah - are you sure you've never served in the British army - that's just the sort of remark that often comes out although you can interchange sister for mother, wife, girlfriend, gran or dog.

5:54 pm  
Anonymous Z said...

I'm seriously being put off men for life. I always suspected it was worse than I thought...

9:57 pm  
Blogger Haggiswurst said...


I remember sharing a billet with 3 other guys. There was one guy from Doncaster who always boasting about his sexual trimumphs; ballet dancers, waitresses, bored housewives. I never believed him but when the lights were out and in his corner of the room the bishop bashing began and no doubt his womanising was all in the mind or hand so to speak - either that he lost he had a terrible itchy night rash. I shudder to think.

7:47 pm  
Blogger zilla said...

Well, I'm not sure shame is called for when it comes to self-pleasure. However, consideration and respect are always called for; military barracks living sounds as bad as college dorm living here in the states.

In Michigan, where I'm from, you'll sometimes hear the colloquialism, "dating Miss Micigan." Michigan is shaped like a mitten. A guy might say something like, "I've been dating Miss Michigan for three months. Man, I need to get laid!"

Just a little Michigan trivia for you, Soldier.

Your tales of military life are quite entertaining and well written. Enjoyed the blog & will bookmark it.

11:45 am  

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