Are You Taking The P**s?
Well yes. Literally they were.
The Compulsory Drugs Testing (CDT) team has a far reach. It doesn't matter whether you are on adventure training skiing, on tour in Bosnia or back in camp the CDT team can turn up. I've always found it odd how they turn up when the snow is around or if there's a particularly bad patch of weather they turn up in Belize or somewhere equally sunny but there you go.
So we got drugs tested in Bosnia. Maybe I'm being naive but quite how we were supposed to be getting drugged up out there was news to me.
The one thing that always amuses me, even to today, about the CDT programme, is how righteous some of the main stream media can be when blokes get caught out.
Don't get me wrong. I think the fact that CDT is there, and that we chuck out people who get caught, is actually a good thing.
It's just I'd like to see the newspaper that reports about "Drug Shame in British Army" actually CDT it's own workers.
I'm sure then it would become a matter of 'Human Rights' rather than 'Army Shame'.
Oh and later on in my career I've had the delight of being a 'willy watcher' - checking that the blokes are actually peeing in the test tube and not pouring someone elses in. Now there's a good days work for you.
fired down the range by DC at 7:50 pm
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talking to the DDU (Drug Dependency Unit) workers about some of the things people get up to when they have their urine tested, to prove that they are only taking what is prescribed...... they have false bags with tubing, small bottles etc etc - but some of them are not the brightest buttons in the packet.
male druggie - female hormones in urine
male druggie - pregnant
warm body but cold urine
apparently you can get quite a bit of money for selling your urine
Now put that on your cv! Experienced willy watcher. It'd get you into Parliament anyroad if yer fancy politics later.
My civilian employer does do drug-testing as we have a fair amount of safety-sensitive work that we do. People submit urine cold enough so that they must be dead. Cat urine (how do they get this? My cat would be most uncooperative). Wrong sex urine. Various chemical compounds said to resemble urine. You've got to love the creativity of people who aren't creative enough to use their imaginations rather than mood-altering substances.
I write, without any irony, with a nice glass of Spanish tempranillo sitting beside this laptop.
Seriously: do you have to be male in the army to be a WW?
Just natural curiosity.
Hypocrits in the media? Never.
I work very closely with jounos and editors and I can say conclusively that there is absolutely no substance abuse in the industry (cough, because they don't abuse substances, they treat them very fondly...)
You know where to find me if the appointed WW can't do the job properly. I have reason to believe I will make a pretty good one.
Back in line Laura!
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