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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Are You Taking The P**s?

Well yes. Literally they were.

The Compulsory Drugs Testing (CDT) team has a far reach. It doesn't matter whether you are on adventure training skiing, on tour in Bosnia or back in camp the CDT team can turn up. I've always found it odd how they turn up when the snow is around or if there's a particularly bad patch of weather they turn up in Belize or somewhere equally sunny but there you go.

So we got drugs tested in Bosnia. Maybe I'm being naive but quite how we were supposed to be getting drugged up out there was news to me.

The one thing that always amuses me, even to today, about the CDT programme, is how righteous some of the main stream media can be when blokes get caught out.

Don't get me wrong. I think the fact that CDT is there, and that we chuck out people who get caught, is actually a good thing.

It's just I'd like to see the newspaper that reports about "Drug Shame in British Army" actually CDT it's own workers.

I'm sure then it would become a matter of 'Human Rights' rather than 'Army Shame'.

Oh and later on in my career I've had the delight of being a 'willy watcher' - checking that the blokes are actually peeing in the test tube and not pouring someone elses in. Now there's a good days work for you.


Anonymous Hugh said...

talking to the DDU (Drug Dependency Unit) workers about some of the things people get up to when they have their urine tested, to prove that they are only taking what is prescribed...... they have false bags with tubing, small bottles etc etc - but some of them are not the brightest buttons in the packet.
male druggie - female hormones in urine
male druggie - pregnant
warm body but cold urine

apparently you can get quite a bit of money for selling your urine

9:20 pm  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

Now put that on your cv! Experienced willy watcher. It'd get you into Parliament anyroad if yer fancy politics later.

11:32 pm  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

My civilian employer does do drug-testing as we have a fair amount of safety-sensitive work that we do. People submit urine cold enough so that they must be dead. Cat urine (how do they get this? My cat would be most uncooperative). Wrong sex urine. Various chemical compounds said to resemble urine. You've got to love the creativity of people who aren't creative enough to use their imaginations rather than mood-altering substances.

I write, without any irony, with a nice glass of Spanish tempranillo sitting beside this laptop.

3:19 am  
Blogger PI said...

Seriously: do you have to be male in the army to be a WW?
Just natural curiosity.

8:09 am  
Blogger The Boy said...

Hypocrits in the media? Never.

I work very closely with jounos and editors and I can say conclusively that there is absolutely no substance abuse in the industry (cough, because they don't abuse substances, they treat them very fondly...)

9:09 am  
Anonymous Laura said...

You know where to find me if the appointed WW can't do the job properly. I have reason to believe I will make a pretty good one.

12:22 pm  
Blogger PI said...

Back in line Laura!

12:27 pm  
Blogger toastedeggbanjo said...

Good ol'm CDT, I you always knew when one was coming as they sent the druggies home for the weekend whislt the rest of us were stuck in the gym, why is it always on a Friday afternoon when you want to go home ?

I remember one poor lad, 21 and a half years in, in the middle of his resettlement gets CDT'd positive, bang goes his pension, claimed it was medicial for his bad back

of yes and of course the legendry WO2 caught on the post R&R leave test in Split, who says its all the youngsters

3:15 pm  
Blogger Mystic mog said...

Just came across your blog whilst surfing - as a very long ago retired squaddie I am horrified that compulsory drug testing happens - what ever happened to getting pissed - fighting - then getting locked up ? Seemed like a good idea at the time ??

12:18 am  

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